MY 8 STANDARD RULES TO ENJOY AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET
Hi my food soldiers. So, today I will be revealing to my army, my standard rules to devouring an all-you-can-eat buffet. Now, this is a mission that many foodies have woefully failed at. The art of devouring food is not learnt over-night it takes days and days of restaurant eat-outs and food explorations but alas, I have come up with rules of engagement, my standard rules of course, to actually eat ALL YOU WANT TO EAT at a buffet restaurant.
One of the most crucial rule amongst these rules are; and read this carefully… NEVER BE INTIMIDATED. A buffet is strategically designed to intimidate and confuse you. With all those good-looking colourful foods laid out, you get overwhelmed and hardly know where to start from. You must always remember that everything on a buffet table is nothing but food, they can’t and I repeat CANNOT harm you if you are strategic with the whole process and well prepared, in fact if you have to, start preparing a day or two before the D-day. With thorough planning, you are bound to leave the buffet with a grin on your face. Is it that serious? You may ask. Yes, it is that serious. It’s not every day you get to have an experience of buffet type dining, right? So, don’t waste the very few opportunities that come your way.
RULE NO.1: PREPARE YOUR STOMACH
The stomach is a very important factor in this mission. It is the heart of the entire plan. If the stomach is messed up, aborting the mission is inevitable. So, I beg you soldiers tread with caution. I suggest a day before the mission, you keep yourself hydrated by drinking a lot of water and avoid heavy foods that could take time to digest. You need to stick with light foods that digest easily, this way, your stomach is prepared the next day to consume as much as you want it to. You could have the last meal of the day before early. If you want to go hard you could exercise too early in the morning of the “D-Day”.
RULE NO. 2: SURVEY THE PARAMETERS BEFORE MAKING YOUR SELECTION
As I said earlier, a buffet can be overwhelming, there are a lot of foods and varieties of all sorts that could put your mind in a space of confusion. Now, one good way to avoid this is to take your time to visually explore all the foods that have been laid before you. Before making your selection, take a look around and decide which food you want to devour first. Never just dive into dishing just because you see your favorite food, it doesn’t work that way, you are heading for a failed mission. First things first, go for appetizers, to help your stomach want more. That is why it is called an appetizer in the first place. The third rule elaborates more on this.
RULE NO.3: UPHOLD THE RULE OF THE THREE-COURSE MEAL
The usual system of a three-course meal is Appetizer (1st) – Main course (2nd) – Dessert (3rd). This system is there for a reason, because it works, it actually helps you enjoy the whole meal better. So, apply this system when eating in a buffet setting. Your first choice of food helps increase your hunger and prepare you for the main meal, then you devour the foods that fall in main meal category, and then desserts, “the icing on the cake”, literally.
Did you know desserts were originally designed as a backup meal plan? Should the hot dishes not fill you up after a meal, instead of going all the way to cook from scratch, there are cold dishes kept in the fridge that can suffice, they are called desserts. Thank me later for the info 😉
RULE NO.4: TACTICAL FOOD COMBINATIONS ARE THE WAY TO GO!
For the purpose of this mission, I’ll advise you don’t in any way use this opportunity to experiment on your crazy new food combinations just because your palates are curious, this is not a laboratory, this is a battle ground and experimenting with unusual food combination is a recipe for disaster. Eat foods together that are meant to be eaten together, don’t in any way think you can get away with an odd combination, it might affect the main component – the stomach, and lead to an early defeat.
RULE NO.5: EAT SMALL PORTIONS
Because our aim is to eat as much as we can of every food we see in a buffet, you need to eat with tactics, eat small portions of everything! The secret to this is that the small portions allow you eat more. And more is what we want. You want to enjoy your money, right? Or was it free?
RULE NO.6: DO NOT EAT SLOWLY
I know you’ve heard doctors and some health-conscious people say that eating slowly is good because it’s the healthy way to eat and talks like that. It doesn’t really work if you plan on eating much. Now I am not disputing this advice, all I’m saying is that in this particular situation this advice does not really help you achieve your final goal which is to devour as many types of foods. So, you see, you cannot afford to eat slowly. Rather eat at a speed that is comfortable for you, but isn’t too slow. I’m not advising you to speed up your meals and rush your food oh, there is no way I am going to let anyone implicate me, the point is, eating slowly allows your brain to be conscious of the food you eat and alerts your stomach to be conscious of the portions you consume. We don’t want that, eat at a comfortable speed in small portions of many portions. Don’t worry, you can later take them out at home in your comfortable place of business.
RULE NO. 7: DON’T BE STATIONED (NOT THAT CRUCIAL THOUGH)
Walking around helps keep the body active by using what you are consuming. So, keep moving only at sensible intervals, basically don’t over-do it.
RULE NO. 8: FLEE FROM SUGARY LIQUIDS
Flee from sugary liquids and filler foods, they just mess with the mission.
So, there you have it food soldiers, go out now and seize any opportunity you get to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and devour victoriously. Good luck soldiers! And oh, a brief report at the comment section from any of the food soldiers who have ever had buffet experience with some of the challenges you faced and I might come up with possible solutions, if I haven’t already mentioned them above.
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